An NPR Storyteller on “Unleashing” Love on a Pet, Amid Empty Nest Loneliness

From 2000 to 2006, Shelley Fraser Mickle was a humor commentator on NPR’s Morning Edition. In the new memoir Itching to Love, Mickle showers readers with a bittersweet, hilarious chronicle of a mother dealing with her loneliness after her kids grow up and leave, when a neighbor’s dog, Buddy, adopts her—and changes her—over the following decade.

Out March 11, Itching To Love explores the healing powers of the creatures of the earth and reminds us of the importance of relationships—especially in a time when nature faces challenges and loneliness is scientifically shown to impact our lifespan. “My story is about the decade I spent with a dog after my kids were grown, but it’s also a twist on that story, because the dog chose me! It’s also about how laughter can heal us. I’m not saying that you can laugh your way out of cancer, but there is scientific research that shows laughter can release immune-strengthening chemicals,” Mickle says.

The Healthy by Reader’s Digest connected with the author to discuss a stage in life many Americans go through but don’t get to talk about often enough.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

VIA MERCHANT

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The Healthy by Reader’s Digest: Shelley, can you talk about the “empty nest” element of your story? With what even the government has called our “loneliness epidemic,” do you wish you could convince everybody to rescue a pet?

Shelley Mickle: When a mother’s children move out into their own lives, we women don’t get a gold watch or a pension, we often go to the dogs—literally! Like a vintage wine, we are matured with a robust knowledge of how love changes us. A mother is like a button, holding it all together. And since our mothering skills hang around, we often unleash them on a dog. I have a friend who bakes her dog cookies and even brushes his teeth before bed!

After World War II, wounded soldiers called for less pain medications after reading humorous stories from a “laugh cart.” I hope we can all start sharing funny stories and laughing together. If the [story doesn’t] do it, there’re some pretty loopy recipes at the back of the book.

The Healthy: Why do you think Buddy was so fixated on you? Can you share with our readers the story of how you two came to belong to each other?

Shelley Mickle: Buddy was my neighbor’s dog. At the time, I was living out my childhood dream of being a cowgirl with two horses, Skip and Robert Redford. One day after Buddy’s owner went to work, Buddy dug under his fence and slipped into my barn and stole my horse’s galloping boot. I chased him home to find him sitting in the garage beside his food bowl with a lot of my things spread out beside him—my shirt that I’d left in the barn, my comb, a towel that I’d wiped my sweat with.

Then my neighbor called and said he had just gotten remarried and that his new wife had a dog that Buddy instantly beat up, then asked, “So, will you take Buddy?”

Only when I did the research to understand that a dog’s eyes are different from ours could I answer why Buddy chose me. Dogs have fewer photoreceptors in their retina. They gaze at our faces to read our emotions. Buddy understood my need to be the center of someone’s life, that I missed my children. Being mostly a bulldog, he needed someone to guard, to be the center of HIS life. We were a perfect match.

The Healthy: What do you think it was about the pandemic that motivated so many Americans to bring pets into their homes?

Shelley Mickle: One in five Americans got a dog [or cat] to ease the isolation during the Covid pandemic, and 90% have kept them. Relationships change us, so it will be fun to see if these new dog owners discover personality traits they didn’t even know they had. Dogs soften our voices. They remind us of the power of affection. They bring out our leadership skills since dogs have to feel that someone is in charge to feel secure.

The Healthy: In the book, you say “I loved him fiercely in the way a person does before having children, which in itself deepens one’s capacity for love.” Can you speak more about that?

Shelley Mickle: The first dog I had educated my heart. With the birth of my first child, my capacity for love deepened by the measure of the depth of the ocean. Love multiples through the miracle of having a family. Raising children was the most fun thing I ever did. In fact, it helps if you’ve taken a dog to obedience school because obedience classes train the dog owner as much as the dog!

The Healthy: Classic nonfiction books about dogs have often been from the perspective of men—Marley and Me, The Art of Racing in the Rain. How would you say your perspective is different?

Shelley Mickle: Since I have raised a boy into manhood, I might be qualified to say something about the differences between the male and female mind. Men naturally want to protect those they love. We women instinctively want to oversee the lives in our care. Mothers need to answer their child’s every need, not by being physically strong but by being unconditional. Maybe that’s why some of us women talk so much, to draw someone close to us.

The Healthy: In one of the later chapters, you say, “God gave us memory so that we might have roses in winter.” What does this mean to you?

Shelley Mickle: Tennessee Williams gave us that lovely quote. It turns out that the bouquet of winter roses that we vintage mothers earn is what we take with us for the 18 years or so we spend raising a child. Memories are our reward.

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